Trauma and Your Body

It’s not What’s Wrong With You - It’s What Happened to You.

When we think about trauma, we often think about memories. We think about what happened. Or we try not to think about it.

The story.

The loss.

The event.

The thing we can’t stop thinking about.

This is why we can logically know we are safe while our heart races in some seemingly random way. Sometimes it feels like panic. Sometimes a quiet buzzing that you can’t quite figure out.

We can understand that a relationship is healthy while every part of us expects abandonment.

We can spend years talking about what happened and still feel stuck. It can feel like a self-designed prison.

Trauma doesn’t only live in thoughts. It settles into the nervous system. It lives in clenched jaws, tight shoulders, shallow breathing, stomach aches, headaches, chronic tension, exhaustion, insomnia, hypervigilance, and that f-cking constant feeling of waiting for something bad to happen.

The body remembers what the mind has tried to move past but can you access it with simple bends and twists, cry, release and walk out of that Tik Tok snake oil guru a shiny, new, healed go-getter? No. It’s not packed in your ankle next to some veins like an old trunk.

Many people come into therapy frustrated with their bodies. They want the anxiety to stop. They want the panic to disappear. They want to stop crying, raging, shutting down and to stop feeling so reactive. And the mindful meditations and breathing aren’t cutting it.

But what if those symptoms aren’t evidence that something is wrong with you? What if they’re evidence that your nervous system learned how to survive? Your body adapted to experiences that felt overwhelming, unsafe, unpredictable, or emotionally isolating at the time and it learned patterns. It learned protection. And sometimes it keeps using those same strategies long after they’re needed. The body isn’t malfunctioning. It’s trying to help.

And that’s brilliance. Your body isn’t broken, your nervous system just needs an update.

Your body is operating from old information.

How trauma shows up is sometimes obvious. A car accident. An assault. A loss. A medical crisis.

But often the wounds that stay in the body are quieter. Growing up with criticism. Never knowing what mood a parent would be in. Being the peacemaker. Feeling emotionally alone. Learning that your needs were too much. Learning that love was conditional.

Experiences don’t have to be external to leave a mark. In fact, the internal trauma can be complex because we often add guilt, stigma or masking - as if we need justification or permission to feel hurt by those we loved.

The nervous system doesn’t vet if this fear is justified. It’s not discerning. It needs to know if you feel safe. It’s constantly scanning in threat detection mode. Seemingly minor experiences can trigger big reactions if our system misfires and detects a threat when there isn’t one.

Overreaction, oversensitivity, short tempered, avoidant, sarcastic, self-protecting, abandonment. These are very real, very legitimate responses to a traumatic situation - and your system is honed to find them because it’s running on old software when you had no resources, maturity, clarity or safety at the time of impact.

Most of us spend years trying to think, or talk or even breathe our way out of our pain.

We analyze.

We explain.

We intellectualize.

We bury.

We dismiss.

And while insight matters, healing often requires something different. It requires slowing down and noticing.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” Try asking: “What is my body trying to tell me?” When anxiety shows up, where do you feel it? In your chest? Your throat? Your stomach? When you think about a difficult conversation, what happens inside? Do you tense? Do you hold your breath? Do you feel an urge to leave? To fight? To disappear?

The goal isn’t to fix it immediately. The goal is to get curious. Trauma thrives when we’re disconnected from ourselves.

Healing begins when we learn how to listen. Sit with the pain - even for a minute. Call it out. I see you. I feel you.

Then move. Quite literally move. Sometimes a walk, a hand-shake-out, dance it out, move your head - in a meeting at work and feel activated? Redirect your attention. A painting on the wall. A tree outside. Feel your body in your chair, or your feet on the floor. Breathe. If you can, ask that hurting part what it wants you to know.

Feels strange? I get it. My clients know this is my jam. Because it works. If it feels awkward just know we talk to ourselves all the time. Have you ever said, “part of me wants to go but another doesn’t”? Those are two parts of you in conflict. You talk to yourself about it and make a decision. Committee meeting with you and your parts.

Healing happens in connection - NOT in isolation. One of the biggest misconceptions about trauma healing is that we need to get rid of our symptoms. But actually, we heal when we stop fighting our nervous systems and appreciate how hard it is working to keep you safe.

When we stop judging our reactions and bring in some curiosity about what our systems have been trying to protect us from, we appreciate that the body carries the story and the path toward healing.

Start with curiosity. Ask yourself what you need. It might be a break. It might be an assessment for safety. It may be a temporary malfunction because your boss acts like your negligent mother or your spouse is needing more vulnerability from you but that was never the way in your childhood home, or that teenager who slammed the door brought you back to that one time…

You are safe now.

You have a voice you may not have had.

You have resources.

You can leave an abusive or hostile engagement. You can show up for yourself by tapping in.

Your body may carry your trauma but it also packs the healing.

For more information about Accelerated Resolution Therapy as a tool to help move negative symptoms or sensations out, check this out.

Trust yourself. You got you here. And it wasn’t easy. Brava.