Nervous System Regulation (and Why Your Inner World Isn’t Actually a Dumpster Fire)
If you’ve ever wondered why your body goes into full DEFCON-1 over a harmless email or why you crash into numbness after one too many “We need to talk” moments—surprise!
Your nervous system is just doing its job. And honestly? It’s a little overachiever.
Nervous system regulation isn’t about being calm 24/7 (please, we are that evolved). It’s about having enough inner space to breathe, think, and not spiral every time your brain finds a “threat” that looks suspiciously like something from 2007.
This is where Internal Family Systems (IFS) comes in, and why I love integrating it in my work!
You know I love a good pattern!
All Those Big Reactions? Those are just parts showing up for work - even if they need a bit of…um…tweaking.
IFS says we’re made of parts—think of them as your internal cast of characters:
• The Overthinker who won’t stop narrating danger
• The People-Pleaser who should really be paid overtime
• The Shutdown Part who’s like, “Nope. Nope. Aaaand we are done.”
• The Angry Protector who’s one snide comment away from launching a verbal missile
• The Younger You who remembers everything your body still hasn’t forgotten.
Hey - these parts aren’t dramatic for fun. They’re trying to keep you safe… aggressively and sometimes a little ambitiously.
Many of us think nervous system work means “fixing” ourselves. But you know what? You don’t need fixing - you are operating with a system that has been honed to sense danger with pinpoint accuracy; but only when we update the internal software.
That’s where our work is so vital.
So what do we do? We don’t yell at ourselves, or sit in frustration at our body doing what it’s been trained to do. We start with gentle curiosity. We decide to get to know who is stepping up and why. When we move to meet our parts with compassion instead of criticism, the whole system softens. Even the part that usually kicks down the door yelling, “ABORT MISSION!”
Regulation looks like:
More pause, less panic
More grounded choices
Focus, clarity, direction
Less feeling like a hostage to a situation
A kinder, quieter internal neighborhood
When your systems feels highjacked, instead of rushing to your Google Therapist or phoning a friend to report that you are a mess…pause - yes, like stop.
Ask yourself gently, “who just took the wheel?” Was it a frightened part that wanted to hide or a snarky protector who isn’t going to take this sitting down again? Ask who is in control and ask that part what it wants you to know.
Then identify the part. Naming the part gives you control -
Okay - now (stay with me here) place your hand on your chest (our vagus nerve loves this. - It’s basically a hug) and then say: “I see you. Thanks for trying to help. I appreciate you.” The same way you would talk to someone you love.
It works—yes, even if it feels weird the first few times (and it will).
Hey, we talk to ourselves ALL the time so this is just more of a guided chat. Then we can move to use longer exhales and redirection to soothe distress:
Focus on the room, identify a few things around you, allow the distress to discharge through movement, talking or even crying. Once discharged we have told the body it’s safe to complete the cycle it needs to to come back to safety.
Then invite the part to step back: Not away—just back. Like giving someone their own little internal lounge chair and a brief time out for recalibration.
How can you do this so simply?
Because you don’t need to become a zen master with a y0ga studio, a ponytail, and chakra window decals to get internal and real with yourself.
You don’t need to silence your parts.
You just need a relationship with them that isn’t… hostile or fearful or avoidant.
Giving them space to be whoever they have to be while understanding them and helping them stand down is how you find your center.
Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s protective, loyal, and yes, occasionally a bit dramatic. Your nervous system is brilliance with a history and mission built for looking out for you. Getting really familiar with these parts helps the system relax enough for you to lead from a calmer, clearer place.
If you’re curious about how this work could support you, I’m here—helping you reconnect with your nervous system in ways that feel doable, compassionate, and yes, sometimes even a little funny. If we can appreciate, love and even smile at some of these parts, we can build the most epic relationship with them - ever.
